So this week I’m realizing what really sucks about chemo. About a month ago I touted the “joys” of chemo and among the “joys” was the fact that I had managed to lose and keep of about 15 pounds. Well that was so…until I realized that food actually staves off nausea. Yes…it’s an oxymoron. But truly the more you eat the less nauseated you are. The unfortunate side effect of that is…unless you are majorly active you’re going to gain weight. And since I have the energy of a sloth these days…well…let’s just say all those extra animal crackers, pears, cheese-its, etc that have been my heroes in my fight against nausea have now taken up residence around my bra. For the first time in my life…I have bra fat. Yes ladies…it’s true. It’s true and disgusting!
One day your clothes are all fitting loose and you’re almost back into your skinny jeans and the next thing you know…you’ve gained all that weight back and you now have fat in places that only “fat people” have fat. It’s totally grossing me out. I cannot believe this. The MINUTE I’m finished with the chemo…HELLO SlimFast! No joke.
Another thing that happened this week is apparently my ovaries and uterus decided to take a vacation. The nurses said that chemo could quite possibly cause me to not have periods while I’m on it. And in the beginning the thought of that sounded LOVELY! But then as I progressed through the chemo…I kind of considered my period as my body’s little personal “F-YOU!” to cancer and chemo. I thought that if I was still having a period then at least that part of my body was still normal and working. Well…not this month. Bon Voyage ovaries and uterus! I hope you guys have a nice little hibernation/vacation! Enjoy your time off. Hope to see you again at the end of summer!
But all of this is really nothing compared to my chair neighbor this week at chemo.
You know it’s going to be an interesting day when the old lady next to you requires a valium just to get chemo. I have no idea what sort of cancer she had but apparently it was her first day of chemo and she hadn’t been through the “Chemo Class” yet. She was probably 78 years old and her son looked to be in his late 50s. That being said, about half way through her treatment I guess the valium kicked in, because all of a sudden she sat up, became very alert and started chatting my friend Leslie up. Oh they talked about the biscuits and gravy that it took her son 2 hours to NOT find (he came in with a cheese burger instead). They talked about the joys of Florida and how beautiful that state is. And then it got really interesting when we began to get a full oration on the pros of alligator and alligator stuffing. I mean…apparently you’ve never had stuffing until you’ve had alligator stuffing. FAR better it is, than say your regular run of the mill turkey stuffing or chicken stuffing. The only thing that comes close to alligator stuffing is buffalo stuffing.
Now when buffalo stuffing became the topic of conversation I could tell that chair neighbor might not really be all together. She was drifting in and out and not really able to finish any kind of full on thought. Then chair neighbor’s poor son made the mistake of bringing her a Sprite Zero. Now the minute that juicy freshness was cracked open you would have thought that there is nothing in the world better than that. It was as if chair neighbor had just crawled through the Mojave Desert and had found an oasis of wine.
Two minutes later all hell broke loose as chair neighbor began to think that Sprite Zero has caffeine in it. We tried to explain to her that the front of the can said “caffeine free”, but she was having none of that. There was indeed caffeine in her Sprite Zero and poor son was going to pay the price!
I told Leslie that she certainly picked the most entertaining day to join me. In the 6 times I’ve been there now…I’ve NEVER seen so many elderly people there nor have I had quite as entertaining a chair neighbor as I had this week. It was madness. I find that the nurses seem to have to do a lot more work and hopping around for the geriatric patients. Us young bucks can get up and go to the bathroom on our own…thank you very much!
So the upside to chemo this week (because you know I always have to find an “up side”) is that it was my official half way mark. WOO-fricking-HOO!!!! I am down six and have six to go. I can’t say that I can see the light at the end of the tunnel yet…but I will say that just knowing it’s there is making a HUGE difference. Well that and apparently being the Chaka Khan of chemo. Everyone said my hair would fall out and I’d probably need a wig. Well…take THAT “everyone”! My hair has been thinning but in the world of cancer…I look like Chaka Khan. And if you don’t know who that is for the visual…check out her web site for a full attack of her glorious hair/weave! http://www.chakakhan.com/
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment